He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
So squirting runs in the family.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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