you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
