Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
