DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Randomize
