I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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