thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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