she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
