he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
