Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
