life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
