I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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