Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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