he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
