I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
