i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
