i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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