Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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