She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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