If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
