Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
