The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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