So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
