I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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