Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
We need to get me chipped asap
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
