So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Randomize
