before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
