well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
