I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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