i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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