Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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