Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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