I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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