JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
