i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
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