i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
