God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
