So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
