Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
