I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
