so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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