I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
