so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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