OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
