I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
