note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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