Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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