im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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