You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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