Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
