You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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